Baffled Thoughts, Scribbled Memories

The breast…., one of the most controversial parts of a woman’s body. Depending on the need of the individual, it is used for breastfeeding first and foremost, than to lure men to its attraction.

I mind my breast these days, more than I care for it before. Why bother about it ten when it is as good as a size of a large mosquito bite? Or, make it a bumble bee bite. Fact of the matter is, even if you exercise your arms and positively say “I must.., I must.., I must increase my bust”, it won’t. Breast pads and Wonder Bras would help make it look bigger though, and there are silicone and other breast enhancements as well, for a more expensive price, but then again, so what? It’s just the view you’re minding. So I don’t give a damn.

Until I gave birth lately, I decided to breastfeed my second born as I have not given my first child the delight from the nutrients that comes along with this milk. I am therefore a first time nursing mom with no idea whatsoever on how to deal with the intricacies that accompany breastfeeding and working. From the time I drank my mom’s special recipe for lactation, you know, the native chicken soup plus papaya and malunggay, whoa…it seems like a whole new world for me! I am stripped of control. Milk came rushing squirting anytime and anywhere, dripping me wet I feel like a milkmaid. But, as I am a hopeful beginner, I try to learn new strategies everyday.

Of course, if you are breastfeeding and already working, you mind your breast all the time. Not because I’ve got bouncy boobs that bubbled now, or am able to wear plunging neckline brought about by my newly designed cleavage-capable breast. But because every now and then I have to pump it out to keep the milk for the new baby at home, and to avoid embarrassment from staining my wardrobe, and then I have to feed my baby, and if I could avoid it, I try not to get hurt from accidentally hitting this engorged breasts by my kids because it aches an awful lot.

These two overhanging mammary pair made a radical turn from aesthetic display for my husband, into a drastic role of feeding an infant. Since these breasts are supposed to be twins by nature, it has to be proportional, and I have so much difficulty to master the art of balancing. Yes, balance. When the right one is larger than the left, you’ve got to make your left catch up, go feed your child more from the left.Or else, the aesthetic side of this breast is gravely endangered. Sure thing, you don’t want to see an asymmetrical breast with the left ones big, the other one’s small. How do you like to have an option which one’s to touch? And I wouldn’t have to wait to run for a breast augmentation. All I know, I’ve got an instant breast enlargement courtesy of breast milk, free of charge.

My first born has 3 hospital admissions, from pneumonia to tonsillitis. Though I regret that I have not let him savor the benefits of breastfeeding due to pressures in the hospital residency training, I will not do the same for the next child. So I don’t mind minding my breast now. I let myself enjoy the fulfillment of nursing my newborn despite the great deal of sacrifice that goes along with it.

I believe women are flexible in times of great demands and more psychologically stable in socially unstable world. Let us salute all women…and their heavenly breast! We are truly blessed for breast.

I’m a loving wife to a brilliant husband, a caring mother to two playful sons, a considerate daughter to God-fearing conservative parents and a sympathetic doctor to hopeful ailing patients.

I view life as a gift from God and will at times go pensive and mesmerize on the marvels of each existence. As a physician specializing in internal medicine, I am trained to have an observant mind, to look and feel, to touch and hear, to think first and plan, and to use these abilities to strengthen the views and ideas, not only for others but more for myself.

Sometimes I am captivated by life’s gravitational inefficiency or awestruck by unexpected events that I may be spell bound to get lost in thoughts on what things could have been or what should be done.

I don’t have the luxury of time to write but when I do, I see to it that it’s all pure honesty. I just hope I have time to put it into words and writings, before these thoughts be swept away.

Sometimes too, criticisms slow down my hard earned work, making me pause and rethought. Usually, man’s initial reaction is to strike back when stricken, but then, I have learned a lot in my short existent years: never to act dumb, never to ridicule, never to hurt intentionally, and to recognize the value of time in putting off steam.

I am a Libra, born in the year of the Ox. They say I am dependable, unswervingly patient, tireless and enduring in my works.  Sounds true to me. I don’t mind if you don’t think so. Everyone has its own opinion.

My ideas do well when there is peace and quite and will try to mask the turmoil of the environment by resorting to soft music. If I haven’t told you, I am a musician too, non-practicing as of the moment. And I believe music will always be there in the hearts of every performer even if they stopped performing it.

Sometimes I can be stubborn and difficult to be convinced especially when my mind is already set. But yet, I am never illogical. I’ve always embraced the magic of fun in learning, then knowing at the same time when to become serious. My mom and dad think I am inteligent, but ask my classmates and I’m never at the top rank. For sure I don’t have a type A personality because I cram and loose things in a hurry.

So where am I good at?  Well, I rank first in dances and parties, in dramas and stage presentations, in cheering contest and stunts, the kalokohan and kamaruan, in racing and car bumping.  In a bit, I am easy going and light hearted, flexible and considerate. Even if I have the strictest parents, they couldn’t totally chain me up from sneaking them. But those were the pre-marriage days.

Nowadays, I work seriously when necessary. As long as I am not forced into the public eye, I can think clearly and plan meticulously, just don’t rush me up because I love to take time or the end-product is topsy-turvy. I can deal with the unpredictable situations, but no thanks, I’d rather be well-informed.

My long-term memory is remarkably excellent than my immediate memory which make me good in reporting what happened several months ago, in detail. However, forgetting, sometimes can be a problem. I tend to interchange which ones to forget, the insignificant from the necessary. So, I have yet to master the antidote formula of finding forgiveness when deceived by a trusted friend, or to search the antidote from seeking an eye for an eye, and be converted from throwing stones into giving breads. That… I’ve been trying to learn and pray.